With the birth of my fourth child seventeen days ago, I preached Promises
to Serena the Sunday before last. Since today marks the seventh anniversary
of my marriage to Rachel, I present my promises to her. These are the
responsibilities of every husband to his wife.
I. I PROMISE HER LOVE
A. Colossians 3:19
1. The best husbands are those who have been “raised with Christ” (1),
that is Christians. Worldly men lack the best motivation to demonstrate
2. True love excludes bitterness. Despite occasional disagreements, I
must be genuinely fond of my wife.
B. Ephesians 5:25-33
I ought to love Rachel as Christ loves the church, sacrificially.
II. I PROMISE HER HONOR
A. 1st Peter 3:7
1. She deserves honor because she is the “weaker vessel”. Just as a
fragile vase is displayed prominently in a house, so the wife is owed honor
within the marriage.
2. She deserves honor because we are “heirs together of the grace of
life”. I honor her as my sister in Christ.
B. Proverbs 31:28
Some husbands make a sport of cutting down their wives in front of
their friends, but a woman of valor should be praised by her husband.
C. Proverbs 12:4
Although I am my wife’s head, she is my crown. She beautifies my
D. Proverbs 18:22; 19:14
Considering what a blessing my wife is, she is worthy of honor.
III. I PROMISE HER LEADERSHIP
A. Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18
Since she owes me submission, according to God’s Word, I owe her
leadership. I am to make decisions for our household.
B. 1st Timothy 2:11-15
Man is to lead over woman for two reasons:
1. Genesis 2:21-23, 18
God made man first. Woman was made to help him.
2. Genesis 3:1-7, 16
The first time a woman took the lead in the marriage relationship
it led to sin. Afterward, God told her to submit.
IV. I PROMISE HER SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP
A. Genesis 18:19
Not just leadership, but spiritual leadership is what God expects from
the man. He spoke approvingly of Abraham because he not only led his
children, but his whole household to serve Jehovah.
B. Joshua 24:15
Like Abraham before him, Joshua made the executive decision for his
family, his wife included, to serve the living God.
C. 1st Corinthians 14:35
Men must be capable of answering the questions their wives have in
D. Genesis 6:1-13; 7:7; 2nd Peter 2:5
When God destroyed the ancient world by deluge, he spared eight
people, the family of Noah, because Noah had God’s grace. Nothing is said
of Mrs. Noah’s standing in God’s sight, but she and her offspring were saved
when her husband found grace.
V. I PROMISE HER MATERIAL PROVISION
A. Titus 2:3-5; 1st Timothy 5:14
Women are required “to be homemakers”, “to manage the house”. Since
men are not so commanded, they must be the ones who work outside the home,
making it possible for the women to fulfill their domestic duties.
B. 1st Timothy 5:8
One who neglects to provide for his own household is worse than an
VI. I PROMISE HER COMPANIONSHIP
A. Genesis 2:18-20, 24
God created woman to cure man’s loneliness. It’s not right to leave
the woman alone, night after night, while he spends time with his friends or
B. Deuteronomy 24:5
The concept of a “honeymoon” is a very scriptural notion. It may be
romantic to marry, then ship off for war, but it’s not wise, and it may be
practical to marry, then finish college in another state before getting back
together, but that, too, is foolish. There should be an extended period
during which husband and wife adjust to their joint life before one goes
away for business.
C. 1st Corinthians 9:5
The apostles who were married had the right to take their wives with
them wherever they preached. If a church is to cover the cost of a man’s
travel to preach in a meeting, it should cover the cost for his wife to
accompany him, as well.
D. Ecclesiastes 9:9
One of life’s pleasures, a divine blessing, is to “live joyfully with
the wife whom you love”; with, not apart from.
E. 1st Peter 3:7
“Husbands” have a responsibility to “dwell with” their wives.
Prolonged marital separation is not part of God’s plan.
VII. I PROMISE HER FIDELITY
A. Proverbs 5:15-23
In marriage, God gives man something good to enjoy. He need not look
any further for that fulfillment.
B. Hebrews 13:4
God approves of sex in marriage, but will condemn those who obtain it
C. 1st Corinthians 7:1-5
Sex should be a consistent part of the relationship. Only prayer and
fasting should interrupt it.
A. Luke 14:16-24
As important as marriage is, it should not interfere with serving the
B. 1st Corinthians 7:32-35
May God ever be first so that marriage is not a distraction to
By Bryan Matthew Dockens
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