• Building, Maintaining, And Nurturing
Good Relationships
• Attitudes and actions that affect others in a good and positive way.
• Introduction
• We have noted how we need to avoid selfishness, bitterness, envy, being
contentious & overly critical as well as the ill-tempered attitude.
• Last week we discussed how we need to develop love & caring, compassion,
kindness, joy, meekness and longsuffering.
• Remember that all of these are godly characteristics.
• Today we want to notice some more attitudes that will help us in our dealings
with others.
• These will not be things that are attributed to God, but certain God wants
us to display these attitudes and actions.
• Self-controlled & self-discipline –
• At the foundation of everything we do is the way we handle ourselves.
• Self-control is mastering your desires and passions.
• As the LORD told Cain when his sacrifice was rejected, “So the Lord
said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If
you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at
the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.””
(Genesis 4:6-7)
• When we speak of self-control and self-discipline, they are related.
• I see self-discipline as making yourself do what you need to do and self-control
as not doing what you should not do.
• Every sin we commit involves self-control in one way or another.
• The Bible speaks of self-control – it is a “fruit of the Spirit”
-Galatians 5:22-23, and a part of the process that leads our faith to maturity
(2 Peter 1:5-7).
• It was Paul’s reasoning about self-control that prompted Felix to
tremble – Acts 24:25.
• 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 gives the analogy of an athlete as well as Paul
disciplining his body.
• Romans 6:12-13 speaks of presenting our members as instruments of righteousness
to God.
• Self-control can prevent regret because of something we say or do to others.
• It can keep us moving forward so that we will be more effective with others
in the future.
• It can cause us to do the unpleasant, but necessary things to help others.
• It will help us to redeem our time and fulfill numerous commands we have
in scripture (such as controlling the tongue, tec.)
• Alertness, soberness –
• Alertness means being attentive or perceptive to what is going on around
us.
• It means that we are paying attention as we act or speak.
• The NKJV, KJV doesn’t use the word alert, but it can be found in
the NASB.
• The NKJV uses words like – Soberness, vigilance and watchfulness
are used and portray the idea we are addressing here.
• Jesus warned His disciples to watch – Matthew 26:41 – lest
they enter into temptation.
• In sending them out, He said, “Be wise as serpents and harmless
as doves” – Matthew 10:16.
• The Bible speaks of alertness in passages like:
• Romans 12:3 – calls for us to think humbly, but also to think soberly
as God has dealt each of a measure of faith.
• 1 Corinthians 16:13 – Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave,
be strong.
• Ephesians 5:15-16 – walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,
redeeming the time.
• 1 Peter 1:13, “Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober,
and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation
of Jesus Christ“
• 1 Peter 4:7, the end of all things is at hand, therefore be serious and
watchful in your prayers.
• 1 Peter 5:8, be sober and vigilant because your adversary the devil walks
about…
• Alertness can keep us aware of our circumstance and help us deal with
others – saying the right thing at the right time, etc.
• Or in finding opportunities that present themselves all the time, etc.
• Tactfulness –
• Tactful means to be careful in our conversation and conduct so as not
to unnecessarily offend someone.
• We can have all the other qualities mentioned here today and last week,
yet without tactfulness, it is all for naught.
• We sometimes use the word, diplomacy.
• Again, the Bible doesn’t use these terms, but the principle is clearly
taught
• When Joseph appeared before Pharaoh, he was tactful as he recommended
what to do. (Genesis 41:33-46)
• Paul was tactful as he wrote to Philemon about a delicate situation.
• Scriptures that call for tactfulness include:
As above – Matthew 10:16 – wise as serpents and harmless as doves
& Ephesians 5:15-16
• Proverbs 15:18 says, “The heart of the righteous studies how to
answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.”
• Think of James 1:19 – be swift to hear and slow to speak.
• Colossians 4:6 speaks of our speech being seasoned with grace, seasoned
with salt…
• Jude 22-23 – on some have compassion making a distinction…
• 1 Peter 3:15 – as we are ready to give an answer, we do so with
meekness and fear – this implies a governed response – designed to
accomplish the most good.
• When we care about others it will govern both what we say and how we say
it.
• We will realize that we need to be diplomatic.
• AND this includes social media!!!!
• Just because you may speak the truth does not mean that others will heed
your message.
• They might read or perceive an attitude of uncaring, mean-spirited, or
some other ugly quality in you. And your message will be lost.
• Confidence –
• Confidence means assurance or certainty.
• NOT to be confused with arrogance, confidence means that we know what
we are talking about or doing.
• The very last thing we read about Paul in Acts 28:31 is that he was in
Rome, preaching the kingdom of God with all confidence.
• In his final letter to Timothy he spoke with confidence – 2 Timothy
1:12; 4:7-8.
• NOTE: It is possible to be over-confident, which is why it must be coupled
with humility.
• Confidence in the Bible is usually directed toward our trust in God and
our salvation –
• 1 John 2:28 – confident of His appearing,
• 1 John 5:14 – as we pray
• Romans 8:37-39 describes how we are more than conquerors and persuaded
of our hope.
• Philippians 1:27-28 – we stand fast in one spirit as one –
not in any way terrified by our adversaries.
• Furthermore, we are NOT to live in doubt –
• WHEN we have a confident attitude in spiritual things, it will likely
be manifested in other areas of our life as well.
• A confident attitude builds trust.
• When people see that you genuinely believe what you are saying and doing,
it can help in dealing with them, they are more likely to respond positively.
• Also confidence in others helps as well (this goes back to assuming the
best).
• Finally, you need a confident attitude in what you believe –
• and as you share that with others – 1 Peter 3:15
• Sincerity, genuineness –
• Sincerity means without pretense or hypocrisy.
• It means that you are genuine – authentic.
• Everything about the life a Christian is to be genuine and sincere.
• Our lives are to be consistent.
• Paul, in 2 Corinthians 1:12 noted that his conduct among brethren (and
everyone) was in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom but by
the grace of God.
• We are to put away all deceit and hypocrisy – 1 Peter 2:1,
• James 3:17 – the wisdom from above is without hypocrisy.
• Philippians 1:9-10, Paul prayed that these brethren be sincere and without
offense.
• Ephesians 6:5 – bond-servants are to be obedient and serve in sincerity
of heart, as to Christ.
• 1 John 3:18 – John calls for us to love, not merely in word or tongue,
but in deed and in truth.
• Typically this is a trait that helps you with those you have greater influence
over – those that know you.
• The insincere lack credibility.
• People notice those who are genuine and sincere.
• It is also something that if you ever have the opportunity to share your
faith, sincerity must be there.
• Responsibility –
• Related to sincerity, the idea of responsibility is one who is accountable.
• If you are responsible for something then you accept the consequences
of your actions, both good and bad.
• But this can also describe the disposition of one who can be counted upon
to do what he is supposed to do, mainly because he takes his accountability seriously.
• He is not living a flippant life or unreliable.
• It also involves you do your share (as in the body) of a task.
• Jesus emphasized this in John 10:11-14 where He described Himself as the
true shepherd who gives His life for the sheep, in contrast with the hireling
who flees at the sight of trouble.
• The Bible has much to say about responsibility.
• The very first sin involved both Adam and Eve failing to take responsibility
(Genesis 3:13-14).
• Remember they both tried to blame someone or something else.
• The parable of the talents is about responsibility – each according
to his ability (Matthew 25:14-30).
• Based on this, someone once defined responsibility as: Ability + Opportunity
= Responsibility.
• Romans 14:12 – we shall each give an account to God (Hebrews 4:13)
• Matthew 5:37 - Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no,’
no.
• This implies that you are accountable.
• Luke 17:10 realizing that when we have done all we can we are still unprofitable
because it was our duty.
• We did not take that next step forward to do more.
• 1 Corinthians 4:2 – it is required of stewards that they be found
faithful.
• He holds himself accountable for his circumstances rather than blaming
others or making other excuses.
• He realizes that his decisions could involve others and acts responsibly
because of it.
• His accountability to God will prompt him to do what he can for others.
• Calmness –
• Calmness means one whose state of mind is free of panic, agitation or
disturbance.
• He is in control even when others are frantic.
• It is a quality of patience and restraint.
• It is also associated with peace – as in the peace of soul Jesus
offers us (Matthew 11:28-30)
• The ultimate example of calmness is Jesus stilling the winds and waters
– Matthew 8:23-27.
• Verses that imply calmness and control include:
• Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry and do not sin.
• James 1:19 – be swift to hear and slow to speak, slow to anger.
• Proverbs 14:30 says, “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy
is rottenness to the bone.” “sound heart” means a calmness of
heart (NASV says, “a tranquil heart”)
• Proverbs 15:1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up
anger
• Proverbs 17:27 says, “He who has knowledge spares his words, And
a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.”
• Philippians 4:6 – be anxious for nothing…let your request
be made known to God.
• Calmness will keep us from jumping to conclusions.
• Our calmness can keep a situation from flaring up.
• We can become the peacemakers in volatile situations.
• Optimistic –
• Optimism means the anticipation of a more favorable outlook on a given
situation.
• It is hopefulness and confidence that all will turn out for good (Romans
8:28).
• If we have all the qualities we have been discussing today, we will be
more likely to be hopeful as to the outcome of a given situation.
• This will clearly affect the attitude we have as we approach others –
both in the affairs of this life AND more importantly in the affairs of the life
to come.
• Conclusion
• In this lesson, we have expanded the idea of proper attitudes.
• We have included qualities or characteristics that might not be described
specifically as attitudes, but they are certainly a reflection of a proper attitude
and as they are developed, they will affect our attitude toward others.
• Virtually every attitude we have affects others in one way or another.
• Let us strive to develop and live with attitudes that draw others closer
to God rather than farther away.
By Carey Scott from an outline by Thomas Thornhill
Jr
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