• Building, Maintaining, And Nurturing Good Relationships
• A lesson on how NOT to treat others.
• (Part Two)

• INTRODUCTION
• Last week we discussed some attitudes that turn people off.
• And as a result, do not want to be around you.
• We cannot nurture a relationship this way.
• The truth is that behind everything we do there are attitudes.
• That is why we need to get the attitude right.
• When the attitude is right, other matters (including our behavior) will more easily fall into place.
• Last week, we discussed:
• Selfishness
• Pride and Arrogance
• Bitterness
• Envy and Jealousy
• Let us notice some more attitudes that we should avoid.

• Contentious
• The word contentious in the New Testament is a word that means one who causes strife or conflict that results in rivalry and discord.
• It is a challenging word because it is a derivative of the word “contend” – which is something we ought to do (Jude 3).
• But while we contend (fight for the truth) we are not to be contentious.
• A contentious attitude will affect others.
• Proverbs 18:6, “A fool’s lips enter into contention, And his mouth calls for blows.”
• 1 Corinthians 1:11 – because of contentions, there was division in Corinth.
• Galatians 5:20 – it is a work of the flesh.
• As Christians, we should develop attitudes that promote peace (without compromise),
Galatians 5:26 not provoking one another.
• We also read, “but if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed” (Galatians 5:15)
• Contentions affect the church as well as your influence with those outside.
• If you are constantly looking for and finding fault with everyone, they are going to avoid you.
• Proverbs 18:19,”A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

• Being overly critical
• Related to one who is contentious, this describes the one who is constantly looking for and finding fault with others.
• There are some who seem to thrive on pointing out what is wrong with everyone else.
• We even have some in our society who make a living criticizing others.
• There is certainly a place for legitimate critique and sometimes fault lies in one who is NOT willing to expose error and defend what is right.
• One definition I came across portrayed the idea of one who is qualified to make judgments about the merits or faults of a thing.
• We see this all the time – as teachers critique the work of their students and even parents try to rear their children by finding fault or praise in one’s actions.
• Even preachers are to “criticize” if you will – 2 Timothy 4:2.
• But note we said QUALIFIED.
• What that means is one has the experience, proper motives AND proper attitude to critique the situation.
• The PROBLEM is that far too many are NOT qualified to criticize – they do not have all the facts and/or they do not have a proper attitude.
• Their intent is to build themselves up while tearing down others, OR perhaps they are simply not considerate of others.
• Some don’t realize that they are always criticizing others.
• That is a sinful attitude and the attitude we are addressing here.
• Jesus was wrongly criticized by His enemies for supposedly violating the Sabbath (Matthew 12:2, John 9:14-16, etc.
• Moses was criticized by the people on many occasions (Numbers 16:12-13, 41), by Korah and his followers (Numbers 16), and even Aaron and Miriam on one occasion criticized him (Numbers 12:1-2).
• 1 Corinthians 13: - love rejoices in truth. Bears, believes, hopes and endures all things.
• Ephesians 4:31 – continues, let all “…clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”
• James 1:19 – tells us to be swift to hear and slow to speak.
• One who is constantly critical affects others in many ways.
• He sows discord among brethren (Proverbs 6:19).
• He could be guilty of biting and devouring his brethren (Galatians 5:15).
• One who has this attitude may cause others to not ask questions or engage in profitable discussion for fear of being maligned or belittled – thereby opportunities to teach may be crushed.
• And, in general, no one likes to be around someone that is always looking to find fault, regardless of motives.
• One with this disposition can make a room full of people very uncomfortable.
• Even if there is only one other person in the room, it can be very uncomfortable for one of them.

• Calloused
• Calloused speaks of one that is harsh and uncaring in his words and demeanor.
• He says whatever is on his mind and doesn’t care how it affects others.
• The word actually deals with one who is so hardened that he cannot be moved.
• The Bible speaks of the hardened heart (Luke 8:12 – the wayside soil).
• Hebrews 3:13 warns against being hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
• 1 Timothy 4:2 speaks of one reaching a point where their conscience is seared with a hot iron – that is one who is calloused in his conscience.
• Pharaoh is an example of a hardened or calloused heart (Exodus 8:15, 4:21, etc.).
• Look at the way he treated the Israelites.
• As Christians we are to care and be concerned about others.
• That is really the focus of our study.
• 1 Corinthians 13:4 describes love as kind.
• It also does not behave rudely (vs. 5).
• 1 Peter 3:8 calls for us to be tenderhearted and courteous.
• The calloused attitude will do little good in interacting with others.
• Many of the above mentioned attitudes cause one to become calloused to the needs of others, OR the calloused heart will result in some of the attitudes.
• It is more likely to turn others away than to win them.
• There is no place for such in the attitude of a Christian.
• Both of these express caring for others and will cause one to temper his attitude toward them.
• Next week we will address the good attitudes in greater detail.

• Grumpiness, ill-tempered
• Grumpy is described as bad-tempered or sulky.
• Surly or grouchy are other description.
• This one is not specifically mentioned in the Bible.
• But it is an attitude that is clearly not helpful as we interact with others – whether it be our family, our brethren or the world.
• And such a disposition can be outright ugly.
• In the Bible, some characters that might display this attitude include:
• Nabal, the husband of Abigail who would become one of David’s wives after Nabal died.
• In 1 Samuel 25, Nabal was described as wealthy but also harsh and evil in his doings (1 Sam 25:3)
• He refused to help David even though David had protected some of his servants.
• Nabal’s servants go to Abigail and call him a scoundrel and that no one could speak to him (reason with him) - 25:17.
• Abigail is protecting her husband called him a scoundrel (a worthless one) and that folly was with him as well (25:24-25).
• Later that night he is struck by the LORD and dies about 10 days later.
• King Saul also had a distressing spirit that causes him to try and kill David.
• You see bitterness of soul in him.
• Some of the Biblical challenges include:
• It doesn’t portray the light of Jesus favorably – Matthew 5:16
• This attitude leads to many of the qualities we have mentioned – criticism, bitterness, and being contentious.
• James 5:9 – do not grumble – complaining or groaning against others ,
• Philippians 2:14-15 – complaining and disputing so that you can be a proper example.
• 1 Peter 3:8 calls for us to be tenderhearted and courteous.
• It doesn’t demonstrate the joy a Christian ought to possess.
• More on this next week also.

• CONCLUSION
• Some of these bad attitudes come naturally to us and others we have to work on to perfect them.
• The truth is that we should never be perceived as having any of these attitudes.
• These attitudes come out when we are dealing with others.
• Especially when we start talking about others behind their backs.
• This ought not to be.
• Next week, we will concentrate on good attitudes that people should appreciate and would want to be around.

By Carey Scott based on a series by Tommy Thornhill Jr

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